STORY BY

Anissa Anderson Orr

It is 7 p.m. on a Thursday night. Do you know where your tweens are?

Probably on the Internet if they are like most of their peers between the ages of 9 and 12. Ninety percent of tweens report having used the Internet by age 9, according to the recently released Cox Tween Internet Safety Survey. The amount of time 8 to 10-year-olds spend online doubles or even triples by the ages of 11 to 12.

And the older tweens become, the less forthcoming they are about what they are doing on the Internet. An estimated 69 percent of 11 to 12-year-olds surveyed said they tell their parents “a lot/everything” of what they do on the Internet compared to 86 percent of 8 to 10-year-olds.

“The ‘tween years’ are a stage when kids are beginning to increase the value they place on their peer relationships as they move toward independence,” says psychiatrist Andrew Harper, MD, associate professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at The University of Texas Medical School at Houston and medical director of the UT Harris County Psychiatric Center. He says he isn't surprised that older tweens surveyed were more secretive about their Internet usage. “They are making a separation from their parents and may not share as much with them as in the past.”

As their children become tweens, parents who once were the center of their children's world find themselves pushed to the periphery. “Parents might have to push back a little to make the Internet a safe place for their children,” says Harper, who specializes in treating adolescents.

“It is still important for them to be there, even though tweens may hold their parents at arm's length,” Harper says. “They still want their parents, even if they aren't able to articulate that.”

What you don't know can hurt them

The Internet brings the world to our children. Today's youth can access information in seconds that would have taken us hours at the library. They can chat with their “BFF” down the street or their friend across the ocean. But the Internet also can be a dangerous place, populated by child predators, Internet bullies and pornography.

Tweens don't always share their parents' concern for Internet safety. More than one in five post information about themselves online, including pictures, the city they live in and how old they are, according to the Cox survey. Twenty-seven percent of tweens ages 11 to 12 admit to posting a fake age online; 28 percent have been contacted over the Internet by someone they don't know.

“I think the biggest risks are the social networking sites,” says Jennifer Feldmann, MD, an assistant professor of pediatrics at UT Medical School at Houston, who specializes in treating adolescents. “Sites like Facebook and MySpace may be fun, but you have to be careful with them. It is really important for people to know what kind of information they should and should not put on their profiles.”

What may begin as innocent chatting with a new Internet friend may lead to a meeting with a child predator. In 2004, more than 700 children were abducted by someone they met over the Internet, according to a study by the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children.

The Internet also is becoming the tool of choice for bullies. Bullies can use the Internet to insult their target or post unflattering or embarrassing pictures of them. And, thanks to Internet-accessible cell phones or Blackberrys, they can bully their targets from anywhere, instantly.

“Kids can text-message negative comments to others immediately,” Harper says. “For example, everyone could text-message a classmate, 'You really look ugly today.'”

Such experiences can be devastating to tweens struggling to connect with their peers, Harper says.

Kids surfing the Internet also may accidentally stumble upon pornographic content. More than just risqué, pornographic images on the Internet may depict extremely graphic and violent sexual images that may be disturbing to tweens. They may also find Web sites or images that promote anorexia or bulimia, called pro-ana or pro-mia sites.

Making the Internet safe

What's a parent to do? Banish all computers from the home? That's no longer an option for tweens growing up in a wired world.

“They (children) must learn how to use the Internet responsibly because the Internet is the way of the world in 2008,” says Houston mother Claudine. “My child may never sit in a college classroom. Everything is now online and she must be prepared early.”

Drs. Harper and Feldman offer the following tips to help your child navigate the 'Net safely:

Talk the talk

Talk to your child about the Internet and potential dangers before they become tweens, as you would with other important subjects like sex or smoking.

“When kids enter the tween stage, they consider themselves to be invincible,” Feldmann says, “You need to talk to them about Internet safety before they get to that stage.”

She advises finding teachable moments when you and your children are using the Internet. For example, when deleting that spam e-mail that says you won the lottery, explain to them why you didn't e-mail the sender any personal information. Tell your children that they should never give out any personal information, including their full name, address or telephone number, to anyone they don't know.

Keep it in the open

Keep computers with Internet access in a public place, such as a living room, dining room or kitchen. Walk by every once in awhile when your tweens are on the Internet to see the sites they are visiting. You also can check their Internet history on their browser to see what they visited when you weren't around.

Set boundaries

Limit the amount of time your children spend on the Internet and discuss when they are allowed to go online. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that children have no more than two hours of “screen time” a day. That includes computers and television.

“Make sure that your children are involved in social activities, such as church or sports, so their only contact is not online,” Harper says. “Also, encourage them to have their friends over to the house so you can see who they are interacting with.”

You also can work with your tweens to determine which sites are appropriate for them to visit. Limit their Internet usage to those sites.

“Our daughter is only allowed on certain sites,” says Catherine, who has a 9-year-old daughter. “We don’t really have a time rule, but when we say it is time to get off the computer, then she knows she has to get off.”

Take control

To keep one step ahead of your Web-savvy tweens, you can install software that prevents them from erasing their browser history and allows you to monitor their e-mails. Also, modern operating systems, browsers and search engines allow parents to block access to specific Web sites or adjust settings to filter out inappropriate content. The American Academy of Pediatrics publishes a list of Internet safety resources to help get you started.

More importantly, stay abreast of current technology as much as you can, say experts.

“Parents should be aware of MySpace or Facebook and if their kid has a page, they should be on MySpace or Facebook to see what's going on,” Feldmann says.